Kintsugi for the Soul: Healing a Heart Shattered by Loss
Losing a child shatters us. Our hearts break into a thousand jagged pieces, scattering the very essence of who we are. In the days, months, and years that follow, it feels impossible to gather those pieces back together. In those early moments of grief, it’s hard to imagine our hearts ever feeling whole again. I don’t believe it ever does. The heart we once knew—innocent and unscathed—will never return. The wounds are too deep, the cracks too wide.
As I lived with my grief, the image of a broken heart began to shift. I remembered learning about Kintsugi, an ancient Japanese art form. Kintsugi means “golden joinery” and it involves repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with gold, silver, or platinum. The art doesn’t hide the breaks. Instead, it highlights them, making the piece more beautiful for having been shattered. The cracks aren’t seen as flaws; they become part of the object’s history, an integral part of its story.
I began to think of my own heart in the same way. The cracks in my soul, formed by the loss of my two precious girls, became more than just painful reminders of what was gone. They became a story—a story that includes both the heartbreak and the healing. I began to envision those cracks filled with gold, transforming the brokenness into something unique and valuable. This image helped me breathe a little easier, as I realized that I would never be the same after losing them, but I was being transformed. My heart will never return to its former state, but it would be whole in a new way. It would be stronger, more resilient, and even more beautiful for having been broken.
In time, I learned to embrace my emotional scars. I began to understand that healing didn’t mean erasing the pain or forgetting my girls, but instead, it meant gently mending my heart, filling the cracks with something precious—like gold. This slow process of mending is what has allowed me to begin to heal, not by forgetting my loss, but by accepting that the journey of grief has transformed me. Each scar tells a story. Each crack has meaning. And each of those breaks is now part of who I am.
Kintsugi is a careful, deliberate process. It doesn’t rush the repair; it takes time, patience, and tenderness. In the same way, our grief requires time. We must tend to our hearts with great care, allowing ourselves to feel, to break, and then to heal. Over time, we begin to notice something unexpected: we become stronger. We grow in resilience, in understanding, and in appreciation for the life we still have, however broken it may seem. Our hearts may never be the same, but in their new, golden form, they are more beautiful, more meaningful, and more alive than we imagined possible.
Grief forces us to face our brokenness. It teaches us that life is full of imperfection and loss. The scars left by our loved ones’ absence are not just painful; they are sacred, a reminder that their love and light still shine, even in the cracks.
